Last Call: Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Coconuts Sports Bar and Night Club
6861C Green Oaks Rd, FW. 817-737-NUTS.

New Orleans Nights
7101 Calmont Av, FW.
817-732-000.
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
Nutty Investment?

Another club multiplex (nine bars in one!) has landed in Clubland and is ready to party, smack dab in the middle of ... a strip mall?

Yes, boys and girls, Coconuts Sports Bar and Night Club (which is actually two bars in one) recently took over a massive, two-story, 11,000-square foot parcel of real estate near Ridgmar Mall and opened in November. The bottom portion, the night club, is your average pick-up joint, with a huge dance floor and long bar, helmed on a recent visit by effervescent server Nevada. The top, the sports bar, is packed with all the amenities that any mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging sports fan could want, including couches, tvs, couches, tvs, and, oh, for the health nuts, a ping-pong table.

It’s risky business, opening one of these gigantic joints, especially on the outskirts of lower- to middle-class suburbia, but owner Frank Bogard (previously of The Horseman) has high hopes. “I’ve got a lot of customers that have been following me place to place,” Bogard said. “There’s a lot of people, though, that fit the demographic. There’s 8,000 people a day that drive by my sign.”

Current contemporary wisdom says that the giant club has gone the way of the dinosaur. Whereas there used to be at least a half-dozen mega-clubs in Tarrant County a couple of years ago, only one remains — City Streets, in Sundance Square.

Is Coconuts a sign of a return of the all-in-one-spot spot? Possibly — but probably not.

Bruce Wilson, City Streets general manager, said, “They’re more difficult to open. They’re more difficult to run, more expensive to run, and you have to have higher volume. In a bedroom community, you’ll have trouble drawing people in. You have to be much more careful where you put one of these, as opposed to a single entity.”

While the general area around Coconuts is well-populated, the immediate vicinity is not — unless you count either the dental office nearby or the abandoned aircraft hangar-ish site next door that was once, yup, a T.G.I.F.’s.

No-No’s? Yes, Yes!

Nothing says “holiday cheer” better than Kirstie Alley in a Pier 1 Imports commercial — except for maybe a great topless bar with a kick-ass happy hour. Even if you’re not into beautiful women parading around semi-nekkid, there’s no way you can resist the siren song of “Dollar Days” at New Orleans Nights. That’s $1 domestics (bottle or draft) and $1 wells, every day from 5-7pm (6-8pm Sundays).

Too good to be true, right? Oh, but how gloriously true it is. The best part: The crowd, especially on a recent visit, was as calm and collected as it’s ever been. Which is amazing, considering the cheap price of oblivion.

So in between wrapping presents, lighting the menorah, or office-partying, be sure to swing by No-No’s some time this holiday season. You’ve been a good boy all year. You owe it to yourself.

Contact Last Call at lastcall@fwweekly.com.

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