Static: Wednesday, September 10, 2003
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
Gay time in Cowtown

The Episcopal Church allowing an openly gay priest to become a bishop prompted Fort Worth’s All Saints Episcopal School to send a comforting letter to parents ensuring that, uh, well ... something or other. Static thinks the school agrees with ultra-conservative Rev. Jack Leo Iker, bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Fort Worth, who blasted the national convention’s decision regarding the gay bishop. Iker also refuses to ordain women as priests.

Still, the school’s feelings must be fuzzy because the letter to parents danced around the subject better than Tommy Tune. The school says it and Iker are “on the same page.” The school upholds “faithfulness in marriage between a man and a woman.” The letter then calls the Episcopal Church a “welcoming church” that “does not ask anyone who comes into our doors if he or she is ‘good enough’ or the ‘right sort’ or ‘like us.’ ” The school will continue to teach children to “respect the dignity of every human person.”

Let’s see, women aren’t good enough to lead, so half the “human persons” are relegated to the back of the bus. Homosexuals will be tolerated if they shut up and also move to the back of the bus. Who is left at the front of the bus? Rational, heterosexual men, like Father Deuel Smith, who short-circuited after the national convention’s decision, showed up at St. Michael’s church the next Sunday, hurled the Episcopal church flag onto the floor and walked back and forth across it, and banned the word Episcopal from being spoken in the church.

Allow Static to nominate Rick Warden of protestgayday.com as bus driver. Warden proved his sainthood by mass e-mailing media outlets and appearing on radio shows to complain of the homosexual community’s “disregard for decency ... proven again by their knowingly exposing innocent, unsuspecting people to their perverted, sodomite filth.” What did the gay community do that was so bad? They bought tickets to the Texas Rangers Sept. 14 game and plan to enjoy a day at the ballpark. May God strike down any woman with a mullet and any man who claps with both hands straight up and down. Thankfully, Warden and his gang will be there to protect the heterosexuals, especially those fragile beings who get shitfaced on beer, stand up in front of children, and holler, “Hey, Juan, go back to Puerto Rico, you asshole loser!”


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