FREE WILL ASTROLOGY: Wednesday,May 29, 2003

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Writing in Poetry Flash, critic Andy Brumer reminisces about the class he took with poet Stan Rice. “I remember sitting in class,” he muses, “thinking this teacher is working harder at teaching than I am at learning.” Please don’t let a similar laziness overcome you, Aries. You’re entering a phase when the educational possibilities are rich. To take advantage of them, you’ll have to match the high intensity and fertile imagination of your teachers. (P.S. Your teachers may be in disguise, not necessarily calling themselves teachers.)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you’re a carpenter, this is a perfect astrological moment to get that 115-piece titanium-covered drill bit set you’ve had your eyes on. If you’re a potter, it’s prime time to get a state-of-the-art ceramic saw. If you’re a political activist gearing up for a new direct-mail campaign against corporate corruption, consider buying the Utne Reader’s mailing list. If you’re none of the above, Taurus, I suggest you acquire whatever tool will help you rise to the next level of professionalism in your chosen field.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): When the bearded dragon lizard cocks its head upward, Australian Aborigines know that rain will fall the next day. When massive buds appear on the queen wattle plants, brushfires will break out soon. My system of signs tells me how to read your trends. Last night I dreamed my oldest Gemini friend told me, “The bee fertilizes the flower it robs.” Because I have had the very same dream for years, usually late in May, I have come to understand its predictive meaning: Many Geminis will soon commit a benevolent “theft.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Soon Saturn will enter the sign of Cancer, where it will remain until July of 2005. During that time you will have excellent opportunities to become more skilled in finishing what you start. You’ll find it easier to calm your restless heart and commit yourself to a single choice. Say goodbye to mediocre pleasures and misaligned priorities, my fellow Crab! In the next two years, you will attract unexpected help any time you leave the peripheries and head straight to the core of the matter. Best of all, you’ll finally figure out where you truly belong — as opposed to being half-sure of where you sort of belong.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You’re primed to commune much more intimately with the hidden source of power that fuels your life. In fact, you’re close to meeting the requirements defined by visionary poet William Blake: “Unless the eye catch fire, God will not be seen. Unless the ear catch fire, God will not be heard. Unless the tongue catch fire, God will not be named. Unless the heart catch fire, God will not be loved. Unless the mind catch fire, God will not be known.” Your eye, ear, tongue, and heart are on the verge of igniting, Leo. Do what’s necessary to make that happen, and your mind will burst into flame, too.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): More than seven centuries before a few European men dared to sail beyond the safe boundaries of their known world, entire Polynesian families crossed vast expanses of the Pacific. They were led by “wayfinders” who navigated the uncharted seas by reading star positions, discerning weather patterns, and interpreting the ocean’s colors and movements. There’s a connection between you and those pioneers, Virgo. In recognition of the brave, exploratory urges now ripening in you, I give you the honorary title of “wayfinder.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Good news, Libra: You will continue to be the beneficiary of expansive cosmic energies. Last week I compared these gifts to the power of the spoken Hawaiian language to open hearts and eyes. Now I propose several Hawaiian names you can adopt as your own, all aligned with your evolving destiny. You are hereby authorized to call yourself Kaohinani, “gatherer of beautiful things” or Makaike, “to see with keen powers of observation” or E’e’e, “to keep climbing over everything, as an active child” or Wai-puhia, “wind-blown water, especially the spray of a waterfall.” (Thanks to the book Hawaiian Names, English Names, by Eileen Root.)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 1991, hikers in the Italian Alps discovered in a glacier the largely intact body of a man who died 5,000 years ago. Many women have asked for some of the iceman’s frozen sperm so that they might become pregnant by him. (The museum where his body is kept has so far turned down all requests.) While I don’t recommend that you become one more seeker of this prehistoric insemination, I do suggest you pursue a metaphorically analogous quest in the coming weeks: Try to fertilize yourself through an intimate encounter with the past.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Jerry likes to play his guitar for the dolphins of Maui. They appreciate it, and he often joins them for a convivial swim. One day a commotion at sea moved Jerry to interrupt his concert. Paddling out, he found a woman swimmer surrounded by the dolphins. They had hemmed her in, as if herding her. But when their buddy Jerry showed up, they parted their circle to let him through, and he escorted the woman back to shore. The two hit it off, began dating, and recently got married. Why am I telling you this? Because I predict that you’ll soon receive extraordinary, maybe even non-human, help with your love life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In 752, the Japanese Empress Koken wrote a lyrical poem in praise of the eupatorium plant, whose leaves turn a vivid shade of yellow in summer. Recently, scientists demonstrated that the lovely foliage of the eupatorium is caused by a disease virus. In my view, though, this shouldn’t diminish our appreciation of either the poem or the plant. I’ve noticed that a lot of the world’s beauty forms in response to a wound. In fact, I expect you’re in the midst of that very process right now.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Our planet is running out of many resources like fresh water and oil. Now the Weekly World News has reported yet another crucial shortage: supermodels. “The original generation ... is fading,” the paper says, “and very few new ones are coming along to replace them. Soon the supermodel ... may become extinct.” Can anything be done? I’m not sure. But many of you Aquarians are exceptionally attractive right now and likely to become even more so in the coming months. Might you therefore consider a career as a supermodel? At the very least, look for ways to use your growing beauty to help save the world.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A century ago, the Hawaiian sugarcane industry required a ton of water to produce a pound of sugar. Improved techniques have drastically reduced the excess. The ratio of water to sugar is now 1:1. And it used to take me about 2,000 words of exploratory free-writing to arrive at a single 120-word horoscope. These days I write no more than 400 words in distilling your weekly oracle. In another related development, Pisces, I predict you’ll soon make a comparable move toward less waste and greater efficiency in your own area of expertise.

Homework: There’s a place you need to go, but your fear is holding you back. Where is it? Testify at

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