Static: Wednesday, December 26, 2002
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
This Grinch Got a Steal for Christmas

A sharp candy cane in the eye beats going shopping at a mall at this time of year but itís tough to avoid malls when marketing geniuses have turned the holiday into a spending smorgasbord that would shame an ancient Roman. We fight traffic to get to malls, battle masses of metal in parking lots, walk for eternities, jostle hordes of wild-eyed shoppers, and wait in long lines to overpay for stuff. Why do large families walk side-by-side in mall aisles? Itís like two trucks carrying trailer houses keeping each other company on I-30 at 10 mph during rush hour. At least the old people who put on jogging suits and use the mall for a YMCA are walking at a pace that doesnít congest everything. (Static will now take another drink of bourbony eggnog and hope Santa is either a myth or doesnít read Fort Worth Weekly.)

Surprisingly, a recent jaunt to North Hills Mall was wonderfully satisfying. Many retailers, including Foleyís, have deserted the building, and the few remaining stores offered great sales. A toy store that was closing its business knocked down prices 80 percent on everything. The mall was almost deserted, and bargain hunters were more likely to bump into tumbleweeds than shoppers. A retailerís nightmare? Yes. But it was the best mall experience of Staticís life.

His Chestnuts are Roasting

Static couldnít decide whether it would be safer to wiggle down Ed Bassí chimney or hike up the City Center stairwells to deliver his Christmas gift this year. Either route would likely involve dealing with one of those uniformed, gun-toting City Center Security agents and possibly a real cop as well. So we decided to keep Edís present, beautifully wrapped in newsprint, in the Weeklyís office. He can pick it up the next time he stops by to chat about plans for the old Bank One building.

As most folks struggled to wrap up our Christmas shopping this week (see first item), Bassí tomb-like tower marked its thousandth day as a defiant middle digit on the city skyline. We were hoping that the multimillionaire, overcome with the joy of Christmas giving, would whip out his ATM card and make the thing go away this year. But he apparently had other projects more deserving of his pocket change. We hope his Bassness will take care of this unfinished business before next Christmas. To be safe, though, weíre heading out first thing Friday morning to shop for Mr. Edís gift for 2003 ó a thorny mesquite switch to go with the plywood-boxed lump of coal awaiting him on Staticís desk.

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