Static: Wednesday, September 12, 2002
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
Burleson Who?

Static bows in humble thanks to the Fox tv network for rooting out our next superstar idol. Oww! Bowing is hard on the ol’ back these days. Getting excited about a packaged and delivered pop idol ain’t easy either, but at least the American Idol winner is a local gal, although her hometown is a point of confusion.

The American Idol judges and hosts for weeks referred to Kelly Clarkson “of Dallas,” apparently unable, unwilling, or just plain embarrassed to link her with B-U-R-L-E-S-O-N. If they couldn’t make themselves say Burleson, they could have deferred to the nearest major city, which is Fort Worth, not Dallas. Still, Static can forgive the hosts and judges because they are Hollywood types who can’t be expected to know every podunk Texas town. No forgiveness, however, is extended to local Fox 4 News reporter/weathercaster/gigglemeister Anna Allen, who was on location in Hollywood for the show’s Sept. 4 announcement of the winner.

“She’s from Dallas!” Allen blurted out during an interview with judge Paula Abdul shortly after Clarkson was named the country’s newest pop deity. Abdul looked at the giddy reporter like she was nuts. (See, Abdul is qualified to be a judge.)

A few minutes later, Fox 4 cut to a reporter on location in Burleson, and he began his segment by saying, “Every time Kelly Clarkson is on tv, it’s like an advertisement for Burleson.” It’s not much of an advertisement when native Texans, such as Allen, who should know better, describe Clarkson as being from Dallas. In an ironic twist, after watching the Dallas Cowboys season opener, most Dallas residents have begun claiming Burleson as their hometown.

Back to Burleson...

Static gives five thumbs down to itself (Static was born near Chernobyl) for devoting valuable column space to the silly American Idol. Must try to be more relevant ... think, dammit, think. ...

OK, got it — World War Friggin’ Three! How’s that for significance, pal? Prez Bush is addressing the United Nations on Sept. 12 to garner support for a U.S.-led assault on the dictator who escaped Daddy Bush a decade ago — Iraq leader Saddam Hussein. He’s a bad man. Has weapons of mass destruction. Wants to destroy the world. Must be stopped. This is depressing. That Kelly Clarkson sure is cute. And what a voice. When does American Idol II begin?

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