Last Call: Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Pretty, Tough

If you’re like me, and I know you are, I bet you’ve been wondering, “Y’know, the great 817 just doesn’t have enough British-Irish-themed pubs. I mean, all we got, in no particular order, are: Baker Street, Sherlock’s, Ye Olde Bull & Bush, the Shamrock, Tanstaafl, Paddy Red’s, Durty Murphy’s, MacHenry’s, Rick O’Sheas, Flynn’s Irish Pub, Dublin Square, and probably a few more that escape me at the moment. We need more. The sooner, the better. Me Irish genes are gettin’ a mite thirsty. Ha-HA-haaa.”
Have no fear. Located on White Settlement Road near the Cultural District and within leprechaun-tossing distance of two of town’s oldest and most vaunted British-Irish-themed establishments, the Sham and the Bull & Bush, Conlon’s is here. A large, crystal-clean, stylish, dimly lit joint, the bar opened officially about a week ago and is about the same size and shape of the Sham but a little wider. However, Conlon’s could be lined in pigeon feathers or have pink shag carpeting — what the pub looks like isn’t going to make or break it. As with any other place, Conlon’s daily and weekend regulars will decide, and how much money they make or, probably more importantly, how much money they’re willing to pretend they make may be the prime deciding factor. Look at where Conlon’s is located: surrounded by acres of warehouses and several fancy car dealerships, and across the street from a predominantly Hispanic, low-income neighborhood that is hazily defined by White Settlement to the north, University to the west, West Seventh Street to the south, and Carroll Street to the east. The previous club in the building now occupied by Conlon’s was Black Cats, a dirty, scary pool hall that may have been open for a hundred years, who knows, but still wasn’t by any means “successful” (read: more than just a glorified den). Across the street, recall, is where Jack’s Off the Wall was, in the building formerly and successfully occupied by Pedro’s Trailer Park. Jack’s was one of the cleanest, most handsomely appointed bar/restaurants in town — it closed a couple of months ago, after being open for a little over a year. Which brings us to the big question: Is there anything that a bar in Conlon’s position can do to a.) attract customers who are going to spend money, behave, and attract more customers, and b.) distinguish itself from the nearby competition, in particular the two heavies in British-Irish-themed Publand that also happen to be heavies in all of Clubland? I can’t wait to find out.

Sexiest (Female) Bartender Contest
I bet there’ll be a lot of fun-loving and single or otherwise horny guys in Dallas on Friday, Aug. 3, at the Public House (2010 Greenville Ave., 214-828-4900). Spike TV will be there as part of the cable network’s Sexiest Bartenders show. I should say, “fun-loving and single or otherwise horny heterosexual guys” — the program has absolutely nothing to do with male bartenders. (Spike TV, in case you didn’t know, is the regular guy’s answer to Oxygen.) Sexiest Bartenders has already traveled to Chicago and Phoenix, and Big D is the last stop. The eight finalists for the Dallas crown will be on hand at the Public House to do God-knows-what, but I’m sure scanty clothing and even scantier pouring skills will be involved. Vote online at
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