Astrology: Wednesday, January 30, 2008

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The Onion reported on a South Carolina man who was so grateful for what God had done that he put an extra $5 in the collection plate at church. Brad Thaden was pleased with the nice weather and how well his kids had behaved. I expect that by Feb. 18 you too might feel the urge to give Supreme Being a tip or some equivalent. Among the extra perks you could be blessed with: a deeper connection with a resource you’ve wanted to be closer to, the heating up of a promising alliance, a social upgrade that’ll make you feel more at home in the world; and a vision of where to go next with your ambitions.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The Isoko people in Nigeria have three intimate spirit guides. Omo is a guardian angel. Obo, or “right hand,” is the ally who helps you get things done. Ivri is a tough, gutsy, and sometimes combative character who pushes you to take a stand. I urge you to imagine that you have these three accomplices working on your behalf in the coming weeks. It’s high time for you to forcefully lay claim to all the vigorous assistance and collaboration you deserve. And ask a few actual humans to deliver their special favors to aid your cause, too.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): asked several supermodels for advice about spirituality. “Buddhists have the best religion,” said Ilize Bergeron. “They don’t believe in heaven or hell or God, and they don’t pray. Plus, Buddhism is so mysterious that you could probably fool your boss into giving you lots of random days off work for religious holidays. One more thing: It’s the trendiest religion out there right now.” You might want to draw inspiration from Ilize’s perspective. In the coming weeks, you need to feed your spiritual side in ways that are fun, light-hearted, uncomplicated, guilt-free, and unburdened by concerns about reward and punishment.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Thunder is good, thunder is impressive,” wrote Mark Twain. “But it is the lightning that does the work.” According to my analysis of the omens, Cancerian, your job right now is to be like the lightning, even if other people’s thunder is temporarily hogging the credit and the attention. It may take a while, but your bolts of pure energy, not their noisy hype, will ultimately be appreciated as the most important factor in the group success.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Daniel Tammet is a mathematical savant. Every number has a special shape and feel for him. He experiences 37 as a lumpy, warm goo, while 89 invokes visions of snow falling. I got a vivid psychic vision of 77 while meditating on your omens: a scene of two people bobbing and tumbling while wearing scuba gear and trying to make love underwater in a heated swimming pool. What does it signify? Maybe it’s time for you to seek a new kind of union in the depths. Or get more playful in your approach to sex. It might also mean you should enjoy playing with deep emotions.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): After studying your challenging astrological aspects, I decided on a mid-winter ritual on your behalf. Waking at dawn, I took a frigid hour-long bike ride to the top of Mt. Tamalpais. As I ascended, I murmured: “I give the energy of this cold, hard labor to Virgos. May it inspire them to meet their own tasks with exuberant stamina.” When I began, I was miserably uncomfortable. Within 10 minutes, I was thoroughly warm. Soon the endorphins kicked in, and the climb to the top was blissful. That’s the progression I wish for you.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The planet’s biggest annual orgy of pollination is about to take place. A million beehives from all over America and Australia are on trucks headed to almond orchards in California’s Central Valley. For the next three weeks or so, 40 billion bees will be in service to almond flowers as they facilitate the mixing of male and female reproductive materials. This scene could rightly serve as your metaphor of the week. You, too, are primed for a time of intense mingling in service to fertility.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): One goal of meditation is to empty the mind of obsessive thoughts, rationalizations, and images. But much of the media functions in reverse. It stirs up your own mental clatter and floods you with the seething surge of other people’s private pandemoniums. And it delivers this racket with entertaining words and brilliant color and crystalline sound, driving it deeply into your psyche. Keep this in mind throughout February, which is Clean Out Your Brain Month. Cut way back on your media intake. Snack lightly.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “There are two things to aim at in life,” wrote Logan Pearsall Smith. “First to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.” As you have probably already guessed, one of your main challenges in 2008 is to be one of the wise who accomplishes that second thing. And you’re about to experience a major turning point in your ability to pull it off.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica,” said Capricorn writer Stephen B. Leacock. I encourage you to adopt a similar attitude in the coming weeks. Unleashing your heated creativity will be more important to your success than gathering the cool facts. Being an irrepressible devotee of the wild mind will be more practical than marching in lockstep to logical necessity.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’re reading a column designed not only for true believers, but also for people who don’t necessarily buy into the validity of astrology. If you enjoy my writing even though you’re skeptical of my attempts to divine oracles from the planets, I thank you for being willing to find value in an approach that your rational mind may regard as questionable and for evaluating the information on the basis of its usefulness rather than its origin. By the way, the attitudes I just described will serve you in good stead in your dealings with the whole world during the coming week.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Neither God nor the gods are dead, but they’ve virtually disappeared because so few people can carry on authentic relationships with them anymore. The materialist delusion rules our world. Churches and temples are full of ethical people, but most have no clue how to know or feel or converse with the divine presences. Carl Jung said the gods have no recourse but to worm their way into our lives as sickness and pathology. And that’s how you may encounter them in the coming days. But as soon as you see through their distorted disguises and recognize them for what they really are, they can be themselves again, and they will bestow the exact blessings you need to become a smarter version of yourself.

Homework: Make a playful effort to change something you’ve always assumed you could never change. Report results at

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